This Is a special Page in Here i will be writing all that
happened between me and "Beauty"...
To ask what is the need for such a page to be
written here?...
i would say the reason i am doing this is that "i loved her truely and dearly long
ago when i was
a good boy" and if u ask me what happened to me now & am i not that good anymore?
then i
would say "no" i am not good anymore.
It is difficult not only for me but for anyone of my
age to be innocent & good. I have joined engineering
after a sucessfull carrier in my PUC and now it is difficult for me now to ba a good boy
and the reason
for this is that the this field is like that.
I dont want to write more of this bull-shit as the
thing i am going to present here is more intresting.
As i said above the thing is very intresting and it
is a letter written for beauty from me when i was doing
my engineering...this very letter is special for the message it conveys & now go read
on....
Date: 29-09-04
Time: 12 am
Page: 1
Sometimes I started thinking again & then I realized I
just started it again.
One day; one night I was reading a book & got
carried away by it. It was not the matter of time. It was the matter I lived in. a day
passes I say 24 hours, & then I find myself same place, same time, same book & I
waited not for today but tomorrow. I knew I was better then anyone else but I failed to
find in what? For anything I see myself lacking, I say this was not the proper way in
which I had thought I should. It is true that present world doesn’t let me a chance
to survive with my own self, the one which is really me.
I thought of you & you made me think every day
& night, your thoughts were sunshine in my dark mind. They were a part of Daily mental
exercise before I try to build some interest of true kind in the work I was about to do.
I know I am one
little confused mind but I don’t think any1 can get any better than I am trying to.
To be honest it is just me who is like me in the whole world & you can’t find
any1 else occupying my place.
And now I have only the ashes of all the life that was
in me when I knew you. You went, your memories did not.
Page: 2
One more step in my life before that I would like to
share some words with you. I stepped that very stage of my life from school to college
with you. I know I was so innocent. Till then I had no male teachers in my life. I was
away from the busy streets of the city. I hardly knew to switch the busses. I was one
scared little heart. I had no friends. I was in my 1st PU. By chance I place in
malleshwaram (malleshwaram is a place in bangalore)to catch a bus, ‘since I don’t
know where and how’ believe me it was September 9th 2000 & you should
know it was also a new experience in your life. I try not to hide any truth. I was not
interested in any of the attraction made by the opposite sex. During my PU carrier I spoke
only to two females, and believe me I did that just to know something more about you. And
of u had talked to me you would have been the 3rd person.
I get deceived very soon. All that has a change has me
too in it. I fail to do all the things others do. And what I does other can never. The
very first day I saw you it had a very deep impact, but I knew it was just attraction
which I usually tend to resist; it took a while to realize ‘where was I’ perhaps
I would say a few months. Just to keep it interesting I kept record of all the things that
happened between us.
Page: 3
I never thought to make it very personal, what I mean
to say that all wanted to know how you would react ‘with’ or ‘to’ a
person like me. Well, every mind is curious to know what is going in others mind & it
happened so as I said I get deceived very soon. I had faith which was faint & the
respect all in my heart for you. I hardly spoke to, but I knew each and every thought in
your mind. And said to myself,’ no not now she might take me in wrong sense’. It
was better for me if I were to be just a friend of you. But my path was difficult as I was
in my new step of life. A change brought me there & and change brought me to
you, and 'a change' changed everything in my life.
To say some thing more you will never know; the thought
of being success is sweeter than success itself. To know, to feel you & to think about
you, I say I lived every moment of my time with you.
It is now really immaterial if you accept me or not.
But I know one thing & you brought some changes in me. You will never know & but
you had deep impact on me,’ & sure is that I don’t deny that I too had the
same on you’.
You know me better,’ I think so’ I am clean
from top to bottom & I am the person in your life who did something more than what
just four letters can bind.
Page: 4
I have no guilt for whatever I did 'infact whatever I
did, I was not like that but I did.' I did all that I shouldn’t have. But now I do
not regret for that. And when you left my vicinity I stopped thinking. I was like a system
shutdown which is never restarted again. And now I wait. I wait for another change in my
life. May it be anything but it sure is going to come my way and for a better cause …?
Fainting
memories
‘It was just “me”’
I am sorry Reader, this not wht happened between me and beauty, i
showed this to u because i wanted u to know our present situation...it is the letter which
is not yet delivered...if u r in touch with beauty then u would know much more about her
present situation but u wouldn't be knowing anything about me but this letter tells u what
and where and how am i?
long ago before three years was the time when i saw her last and now all my memories have
faded and was i waiting for a change like this? that doesn't comfort me at all are keeps
me busy and selfish? whatever may it be in my eyes u say i could have been better than
what i am now...
She showed me how to live as i said she bought changes in me
which made me feel good and now since i see her no where i am ruined without her...there
is harldy a day on which i did not reacall her sweet memories but all that is past and
time had not given me enough chance that i dont even remember her beautiful face.
if i were to get to see her now it would be like giving life to a
dead man...(i am dead without her)
the next section is about how we met and what all things happened
between us and as i said in the letter "i have kept the record of all the things that
happened between us", i willbe putting on some pages form that very same record and
believe me it is very interesting and it is this content the page is written for.
This section will be put on only when there is a request for it,
mailed to: dragondares@hotmail.com